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Monday, January 31, 2005

Strange Dreams


OK, when your dream features Andre Agassi, Rachael Leigh Cooke, Brooke Shields and Severus Snape, ITS TIME TO WAKE THE FUCK UP.

SHEESH! So how did YOU sleep.


In other Lepus news, GO MARAT! MAMA LOVES YOU! (if you would let her). Plus the fact that Lleyton Hewitt is a whore. Kim was too good for you.

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Friday, January 28, 2005

Get Out


I don't care if he tried to paint your balls pink, YOU DON'T KILL SOMEONE BECAUSE HE IS ATTRACTED TO YOUR DUMBASS. Why in the hell would someone find your redneck ass attractive? This is why I hate this state. Someone build a wall around Louisville. Take a hint from the Isrealies. We need white-trash checkpoints.

"Cold Cock??" What a shining example of humanity.

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Christ Almighty


Jesus, these pictures still freak me out. I wish I could find these in poster form.


Jesus, God, Jesus. This still makes my skin crawl.

My god, they had this at the Book Fair in Elementary School. No wonder I'm so screwed up.

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Update


I updated my links list. There is one blog that I have been looking for and I can't seem to find. If anyone can point me toward Pondering Negro, I would appreciate it.

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Huh?


As you know, we here at F*** Jeff try to keep it "real gangsta" as much as humanly possible. HOWEVER, I just have to make this announcement to esteemed rapper Akon.

I don't care who told you this. I don't care if it was Kanye, Hova or the esteemed Rick Reuben.

Sampling Bobby Vinton is NOT GANGSTA! I heard Mr. Akon rapping over a speeded up sample of Mr. Lonley in my car and I about drove off the road. Bobby-Freaking-Vinton. Sheesh. What next? Will LL Cool J sample Rosemary Clooney?

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

Miscellany from Around the Interweb


Star wars spud.

Also, check out this site. I found it by randomly searching for my dirty internet obsession. Anyone that does Skeletor/Cobra Commander fanart is A-OK in my book.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Porn Skim


I love this website, taxthatass.com

NOT WORK SAFE, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. That is exactly why I'm looking at it at work....
BWAHAHAHA!!!

I just love that name, taxthatass. It just wonderful.

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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Alien v. Predator v. Roger Federer


Jesus, this guy is a machine. We need to send a Hollywood starlet to derail this train, ala Brooke Shields and Bridgett Nielson, stat.

In other news, I saw Alien v. Predator recently. AHAHAHA!!!

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Monday, January 24, 2005

The Curse of the Small Towel and Countdown to Pinkeye


After lifting and elipticaling at the gym, I had about half and hour to get a shower and get back to the grind. It was only after unpacking my gym bag that I noticed I had forgotten my towel. Of course, they give you hand towels to use once you walk in the gym, but its hard to compare the hand towel to the bath towel. However, its what I had to work with. Lets just say it was a very interesting shower.

Plus the fact when I got to the grind, one of our engineers has raging pink eye. I'm talking I'm-possesd-by-Satan pinkeye. He said that his son (from whom he got the pinkeye) stuck his fingers right in his eyes. He actually got within three feet of me and asked "This stuff is pretty contagious, right?" No shit. My eyes are already burning and itching. I know its in my mind for the moment, but what about tomorrow? Will this madness ever end??
Who comes to work with pinkeye? I remember they used to shut down half the school when one kid got pinkeye. O well, back to the grind and then to classes. Whoopee.

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Saturday, January 15, 2005

The Perfect Card






Who says you can't find gems hidden in gay porn sites.
Tanks Just One Bite.


This guy rules, BTW.

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This Makes Sense


I like this quiz, simply because Edward Gorey rocks my socks
gashlycrumb
The GashlyCrumb Tinies - You have a terribly wicked
sense of humour and people are drawn to your
wit. Children beware of the thin, pale man
with the black umbrella!


Which Edward Gorey Book Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


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Friday, January 14, 2005

Happy Belated Birthday


Happy belated birthday (January 9th) to my dirty internet nerd obsession.

Happy early birthday to Church and to me. Should be a fun upcoming week.

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Lepus to Speaker: "No Duh"


I don't really have much of a problem with this. Heck, it might inspire those little lard balls to get off the couch and work out a little bit. You really do burn off calories working the pole. Not that I would know or anything...

I love this quote...
According to Jason Garcia, 14, he told students: "For every 2 inches up there, you should get another $50,000 on your salary."

What "2 inches" is this guy talking about? I really want to know....

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

Supoena, Supoena, Supoena


Here is the definition of a supoena.
I'm going to say the word supeona at least five more times in this post.
Supoena, supoea, supoena, supoena

......................

Wait for it........


Supoena. Bitches

What, may you ask, does all this mean?? What is Lepus saying by all this?

THE INTERNET IS GOING TO SUE ME AND MAKE ME GET FIRED!! I POSTED THE WORD SUPOENA ON THE INTERNET-BLOG/JOURNAL-SITE-THAT-I-CALL-MY-OWN!!!

I AM A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON ON THE INTERNET!


I'm very medicated right now. I can not be held responsible for my actions. DON'T HIT "PUBLISH POST", DON'T HIT "PUBLISH POST", DON'T HIT "PUBLISH POST"...

............
GAAAAH! YOU HAVE DONE IT NOW! YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO GETTING IN TROUBLE ON THE INTERNET!
(this reminds me of a book that I read as a child)
DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE, DON'T USE ANY TYPE OF LAWYERIN' TERMS



................................
*cough*



AAAAA, YOU DID IT NOW!! THOSE LAWYERING TYPES COUGH IN COURT!! YOUR ASS IS GOING TO BE SUED.


Is anyone getting the sarcasm here?? Am I laying it on thick enough??

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Things on the Internet may not be completely TRUE and REAL


I think this and this are good examples of the fact that sometimes the internet is full of information that may be seen on the surface as "real" and "true" (because we all know that reality and truth are subjective and are not really capable of exsisting, in fact the words "real" and "true" do not really exsist in "truth", this combination of words gets sucked into black holes at random intervals) but really are made just for the funny runonsentance, runonsentance, runonsentance.

Robitussin is awesome, FYI. For "truth" and "reality" (black hole, LOOKOUT!)

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Monday, January 10, 2005

Randy Moss and Odds and Ends


I was not offened by Randy Moss's actions. Personally, I found them funny and appropriate to the ribbing that Green Bay fan was sending his way. I was amazed at his hair. That was truly incredible. Apparently, he has had this for a while and it all fits in his helmet. Afro's apprently stands for America's Finest Receivers. Whatever. This is a true wonder of the natural world.

The real funny part of this story is that the announcer on Fox freaked out. Really freaked out, saying it was one of the worst displays in NFL history. This coming from the network that brings us "Who's Your Daddy". Dear lord, please get over it.


Have these people ever heard of the concept of the small business? I guess not.

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Friday, January 07, 2005

Hoppin' Hell Yes


Sweet. This calls for a screening of the original.

Now everyone knows that I'm a Lovecraft groupie. I'm still on the lookout for a Cthulhu T-shirt and plushie that I like.

Also in that AIC article is a link to another cool looking movie. Check it.

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Tin Foil Hat Brigade


Wow. I mean this is truly wacky.

In other news, Lepus reports on why your Kroger Plus card is really a tracker/marker for the shadow government to enslave you mind.

Seriously, I hate the KP card. I don't want people to know what I buy and where I buy it. It may seem strange to some people (my mother, namely) but why would you want to broadcast your spending habbits to the corporate world. I'd rather keep them in the dark. In the dark, companies come up with funny things to try to guess what people will like. Crystal Pepsi comes to mind.

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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The Movie Review Haiku


After watching The Village last night, I penned this haiku.

Pseud-Amish Weridos
M.Night is a camera whore
Tons of holes in film

I'm going to put a bunch of my movie reviews to haiku form. If any of you want a haiku written about your favorite movie, let me know.

And before Matt asks.

Africans and Brits
Lots and Lots of People Die
Chops shall rule the day


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Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Home Eck


I wonder if I can make some of these out of Jager bottles with deer skin lampshades. That would be tacky, but sweet. Like sugar daddies that get left on your car seat in the summer by some tard child you happen to be babysitting (little bastard, go foul someone elses vehicle).

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Monday, January 03, 2005

Funny T-Shirt Roundup


For Rhino

For Me

For Perti

For Raul

For Matt

Basically this whole site. Gah, if only I had money to fritter.

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Viva El Deathstaria


This is for Caleb.

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