F*** Jeff Hostetler

Fun and Calming Game

If there are rules, I haven't figured them out yet, but its still pretty cool.

Bathing the Dog

I like my dog. I like her least when she's getting a bath. First, she shakes water all over me, then she growls and belly-aches until she's finished. Then she barks and growls at the hairdryer. Then she shits on the floor while looking at me with distane.

Then she rolls and scoots around on the floor like an epileptic.

I like my dog least when I'm bathing her. She smells better afterwards, but I'm not sure its worth the agrivation. She's lucky I just don't tie her in the yard and douse her with the hose.

"OK, Itsy. You've been to county before I'm sure. Here it comes.."

Winston Wolf would be so proud.

Three on an elliptical

Three young women working out in your average gym. Each of these said fitness machines has a TV as many of the more modern gyms have. The two on either end are watching Oprah. One in rerun status and one brought her own DVD from home. Their blonde highlights sparkle in the moist heat of the building and they bob along to the Queen of Talkshows groping and fondling cancer/AIDS/African sufferers in her struggle for ultimate empathy/ratings. Their eyes are glued to the tales of Horatio Alger-like struggle. Although, their boot-straps MUST match their blouses.

The one in the middle is watching a segment on Iron Maiden and Van Halen.

Sometimes I really hate my gender.

Uh-Oh

I left Graham and Emily's wedding presents in my trunk.

What am I going to do now? Drive around for a week with two pillows, a pyrex measuring cup and a bed skirt?

Maybe I'll drop them by the jewelry store. Graham's mom will know what to do..

Its Like GWAR but with less talking penises

Give it up for the costume rock.

I love these guys.

Good Wedding

Congradulations to Emily and Graham. Holy Matrimony couldn't have happened to a nicer couple of kids. Hope you all have a great time in Cabo for your honeymoon and moving into your new house.

Which leads me to a question. Should I have the traditional wedding with the dress and all the trimmings and a reception where everyone one of every age can dance like a drunken idiot? Or should I just do the elope thing and have a traditional reception when I get back so everyone can dance like a drunken idiot?

Or just skip the whole thing and go to Vegas?

All I can say is this. If Michael Jackson is playing and I've had a couple of drinks, be very afraid.

Just be glad they didn't play "Beat It".

I want Milton Friedman to put me out of my misery

Dear God, say it ain't so...

On a brighter movie note...HELL YEAH!

Its the Elder Gods

I wonder if someone called it "Cyclopeon".

Go Cthulhu, Go!

Subpar Movie Experience

Sean and I went to go see An American Haunting over the weekend. At least, we tried to go see it. Hollister and American Eagle invaded the theater to laugh and talk and really piss me right the fuck off.

Why in gods name would you pay 7.50 to sit around, kick the back of seats, dress like a ten dollar hooker AND be loud and obnoxious. Whats really funny is the backpacks that all the girls carry so they can change in "Super Slut" once mom/daddy/professional caregiver has driven SUV out of the parking lot.

One instance really stood out for me. Dumb bitch comes running out of "Big Trouble for Kirk Russell v. Big Wave" and interrupts my conversation with the manager about the sound going off in American Haunting.

Girl who needs to hair-do's to wear that skirt-
"Oh my gaw. Some old lady just told me to shut up! Can you believe that!"
Myself-
"Well, did you?"
Myspace murder victim-
"Shaw....(dear god, she actually said 'shaw')"
Myself-
"Dumb cunt."

I believe the children are our future. That's why I'm not having any.

Attention

New Clutch album. Buy it.

Hate

I hate Insight Communications.

It was a mistake to work here.

Fix the damn broadband so these customers will stop calling.

On House

If they kill Foreman off I'm going to be pissed.

Also, Derby party at my place.

Be there are go to the track.